When death comes

 .

When death comes
I'll rest my head
and think of you
the way you smiled
your bear high on the shelf
and your hands resting on my shoulder

When death comes
I know your life
has been fulfilled
with all you wished for
and a little bit more
and I'll remember
how you recognised my voice
after almost 20 years

when death comes
I know you've faced the same
and you didn't want to share
the deepest pain
whereas I tried to reach out
so you wouldn't feel alone

But alone I will be
hearing your laughter
when you played the handdoll
for grown ups and little kids
I'll remember your cinnamom  tea
and hopefully even smell it
while my mind searches
for the melodies I loved so much
I'll remember
how relaxed I could be
sitting against your shoulder
and I felt your smile
in my hair

There's much I didn't do in this life
I was too shy, too hesitant,
too insecure, too caring for others.
I even waited too long,


but I stood up
for those who couldn't do that themselves
for respect between people
against war
and for those who were trusted in my care

I hugged those who needed it
smiled to people on the street
and looked at the stars in the deep dark night

I even looked in the mirror
and told myself to get my chin up
and go on living
right through the worst
when the piercing pain in my heart
was almost unbearable

So when death comes
I will remember you with a smile
and fade away
somewhere to those I knew
to the stars
or maybe
just somewhere
far away
in the sky.

.